Not Enough
by East of Fenchurch
Summary: "Just when he thought it was all over and had resigned himself to a life of loneliness, she turned up at his door, soaking wet and shivering." Kate shows up at his door, but Rick demands more than she's offering. AU. Caskett.


This is my first foray into writing for an American TV show, I usually confine my fics to a British cop show called Ashes to Ashes, so apologies for hi-jacking your characters. I promise I'll play nicely and put them back when I'm done.

The final episode of series 4 hasn't aired here yet so I've only seen clips but I thought that Rick was short changed by Kate at the end of Always, he deserved the words before she leapt on him and so I've decided to add my two pen'orth ….erm ten cents to the post Always fic collection. Also, being British, my spelling might not be what you're all used to. Castle isn't mine, no matter how hard I wish.

**Not Enough**

Just when he thought it was all over and had resigned himself to a life of loneliness, she turned up at his door, soaking wet and shivering. He never could resist a damsel in distress and especially not this particular damsel. So although his head was screaming at him to toss her back out on her delightful ass, that letting her in would only cause him more pain, his heart (and another organ, lower down his body) over-ruled it and in she came. His brain shut down as her cold lips crashed into his and instinct took over. His only thought was to get her naked and in his bed before she could change her mind, and for once she seemed to be on the same page.

XXXXX

Kate linked her fingers through his, a seductive smile on her face and led him towards his bedroom. The haze of lust that had clogged Rick's brain at finally, _finally_ having her in his arms started to clear as the exact words she'd used echoed in his mind. He stopped and jerked his hand free. Kate looked up into his eyes, a frown of incomprehension wrinkling her brow.

"Don't you want to?"

Rage swept over him at _that_ word again, temporarily damping down the lingering desire. Want, wasn't that just typical. He pushed her up against the wall, hands clamped to her upper arms and he leant in, fury colouring his voice.

"After 4 years of loving you, following you around like a pathetically eager puppy just hoping you remember to pat me on the head occasionally, you show up and think you can make it all better with _want?_ That spreading your legs for me will be enough to bring me to heel? I need you to love me, Kate, not just want me."

He paused to take in a shuddering breath, nodding in grim satisfaction as her eyes widened at his crudeness, _oh yes Detective Beckett, the kitten has grown claws_. _Great! Puppies and kittens. Now she was making him mix up his metaphors or was it similes? He couldn't think straight with all the emotions surging through his mind. _

The lightening flashed, highlighting the anger on his usually smiling features.

"Castle….I" Kate was stunned, she had never expected this.

"See that there." He stabbed a finger at her. "That just about sums it up in a neat little package with a pretty bow on the top."

"Wha…?" Kate was having trouble processing his anger.

"Even now, it's Castle, not Rick but Castle. I was prepared to wait for you till you were ready, for however long it took, but you can't do it can you? You've used your mom's murder as an excuse to not get involved for so long that…"

"_**Excuse! **_Is that what you think I've done?" She tried to calm herself, her hands were shaking and just itching to slap his face. How dare he accuse her of that.

"Yes, _detective_, excuse. We could be amazing together, you know that. Some of the times I've spent with you have been the best of my life but you can't give in to it can you? Won't let yourself fall all the way because it's safer to remain just that little bit apart and you have a top-dollar reason to bring out whenever anyone calls you on it. Well it's not enough, Kate." He glared contemptuously at her, then turned his back and marched away, throwing his hands up and saying loudly. "Want! Ha! "

Rick went straight to the kitchen area, his anger fading with every step, almost wishing he didn't love her so absolutely. He took out a bottle of Scotch and two glasses with unsteady hands. Carelessly, he slopped a generous measure in each, picked up one and walked over to the couch. Rick sank wearily down and took a large mouthful, grateful for the burn of alcohol, anything to distract his mind from drowning in the misery that Kate had caused yet again.

Kate watched him from the doorway, her mind numb. What was she supposed to do now? This was NOT how this scene had played out in her mind as she'd sat on the swings in 'their' park. Well at least Cast…Rick hadn't kicked her out, unless she was expected to take the hint and leave, but he HAD filled 2 glasses and Kate couldn't let them part like this. Rick Castle meant far too much for her to walk away from him now, they'd had too many near misses in the past. So many times the truth had nearly come out only for them to be interrupted (or nearly die) at the vital moment. Would tonight end the same way?

She walked over to the kitchen counter warily, expecting Rick to order her out of the loft at any second but he barely seemed to notice her. Kate picked up the other glass and plonked herself down on the couch – well away from Rick. They both needed the space right now, to re-group and get their feelings in check.

Rick sipped his drink, re-playing the scene in his head realising things he should have said and regretting using Kate's mom to get his point across, but after everything he felt he was entitled to more than just 'want' and, although it was clumsily done, it was at the heart of Kate's problem with commitment. This was his 'one and done' so it had to be built on the right foundation, he was happy to have Kate lead their relationship most of the time, but he didn't have Christmas tree baubles between his legs and she had to realise that there were some things he wasn't prepared to let her get away with. Oh deep down Rick knew Kate loved him, but he wasn't sure she'd admitted that to herself and he couldn't go into the relationship worrying he was more committed than her.

Kate sat silently lost in thought, the Scotch was expensive, smooth and at any other time she would have savoured the taste but she sipped at it unheedingly as her mind raked over his words. Of course she loved him - always had, even before they'd actually met. Why else had she spent all that time and money with Dr Burke? She'd never felt the need to work at removing her walls before Rick, but the word love didn't come easy, not even when applied to the only man to have truly gotten through the virtually impenetrable protection around her heart. She still equated the word love with the pain of losing her mom, so if she didn't admit to the feeling (not even to herself) then it wouldn't hurt so much if she lost Rick. Well that had been the theory anyway, but after the last few days of Rick pulling away Kate had realised her theory was just so much baloney.

He was right, damn the man. For years she had used her mom's death as a reason not to commit, but it would never have worked out with any of the others, Rick was the only one she wanted a future with.

In a way, Kate admired Rick's ability to hold out for everything, 4 years had built up a hell of a lot of need and it would have been so easy for him to take what she was offering, but he was right to stop it, he deserved it all, they both did. She took a deep breath.

"Rick, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, Kate."

They turned to each other at the same time, synchronised in their apology as in everything else. Kate moved along the couch and took Rick's hand, her eyes fixed on to his and she said.

"You're right, you DO deserve it all. Even though you're the one that makes sense of all the songs for me, it's still really hard for me to say. I…" She broke off with a sob as the emotions of the day engulfed her, loosing Rick, almost her life and then her job was just too much.

Rick rubbed his thumb across her cheek, wiping away a tear and feeling his own eyes fill at her obvious distress. He pulled her into his arms, one hand weaving into her hair to caress her scalp gently, the other lightly tracing patterns on her hip, she was soaking wet, he hadn't noticed until now. He should really get some dry clothes for her but she felt so right in his arms that he didn't want to let go.

"It's OK, Kate. We'll get there, just as long as I know you're trying." Rick dropped a kiss in her hair, his nostrils filling with the scent of cherries.

Kate buried her face in the soft material of his shirt, his gentle caresses calmed her and she felt truly content for the first time in years. Then, like the sun rising to banish the chill of night, it dawned on her and the last of her wall crumbled. She was in the arms of a sweet, funny, gorgeous, annoying man who had followed her for 4 years and she was crazily, completely, unconditionally in love with him.

She pulled back just enough to focus on his face, her hand slid her hand up his jaw and into his soft hair at the nape of his neck.

"I love you, Rick. Didn't even know what love was until you came into my life." Her voice was soft but the impact of her words blew him away.

Kate's eyes were so full of love they practically glowed, Rick felt his heart trip over it's next beat and a tear threatened to escape.

"OK, Kate." He whispered shakily.

Rick pulled her close again and ghosted his lips over hers, momentarily content just to be allowed to kiss her then the heat shot through both of them and her encouraging moan spurred him on, he brushed a hand over her breast where the material of her blouse was partially open and Kate gasped as the electricity shot from breast to groin. He tangled his hand in her wet hair and deepened the kiss. Kate opened her mouth eagerly as Rick's tongue demanded entrance, the feel of their first real kiss, one that she could really lose herself in as it wouldn't be interrupted by an armed thug was incredible and Kate needed to be closer, there was too much damned space between them. She swung a leg over his lap and straddled him, Rick groaned his pleasure at her move, he tightened his arms around her and placed a line of hot, wet kisses along her jaw to the pulse point on her neck.

A maelstrom of emotions swamped her mind, lust and love in equal parts nearly overwhelmed her but a small, insistent, voice at the back of her brain wouldn't shut up. She put a hand on his chest and pushed, Rick moaned in protest. He tried to move forward to capture her mouth again but Kate's hand pinned him to the couch.

"Please!" His voice was rough with need and his head was straining to reach her.

"In a moment, Rick. I'm gonna loose the ability to think very soon and before that happens we need to sort out a couple of things."

Rick stopped struggling against her hand and looked at her enquiringly. They sat there for a beat both trying to regain control over their breathing. Kate wriggled on his lap to steady herself, her hips bumped his and he gasped.

"So not helping, Kate."

"Sorry. OK, I'll make it quick." She gave him a warning glare as he drew in a breath to make an inevitable, smutty remark. Rick closed his mouth but his eyes sparkled with mischief.

"Are we likely to be interrupted or should we take this to the bedroom?"

"It's OK, we have the whole loft to ourselves tonight, so if you're gonna be loud…" He said and gave her a cheeky grin.

"Castle!" Kate shot him another warning but his grin was unrepentant.

"And protection, I'm on the pill but if Jacinta….."

Rick stopped her with a shake of his head, he couldn't meet her eye as he said. "Things….didn't get that far."

Kate was one of NYPD's finest and could spot an evasion at a hundred yards, she fixed him 'that' look, the one that had hardened criminals falling over themselves to confess.

Rick squirmed uncomfortably. "We would have….but Rick Jr wasn't…..up for it."

Kate's heart skipped a beat and a wave of love took her breath away. Even Rick's body chemistry was conspiring to get them together, they'd wasted so much time and it was mostly her fault. She raised her hand to caress his cheek.

"I love you, Rick…so much. I…just…arg screw it, c'mere." She grabbed his shirt front in her fist and crashed her lips to his.

Rick was the wordsmith, Kate was much better at action and although the L word wasn't going to be a problem for her any more, she was far more eloquent with her hands and body. She was sure that demonstrating just how much she loved him was going to take the rest of the night.


End file.
